I am having adventures and definitely feel I am in the right place now. Cyclone Gita has taken large chunks out of the only road in and out of the area I need to travel to on the north-western corner of South Island. I was up with the sunrise for a combination of buses and a water taxi around Abel Tasman National Park to get here. I had to make sure I only carried my pack for about 10 seconds. And I was helped the whole way. I had a big comedown from my unplanned hitchhiking push on Friday - I have a strong feeling I'm pulling it all back together again now. I won't be doing more of that again until I feel really able to though.
I'm in Takaka now. A sleepy town in the Golden Bay area. Tomorrow I get a lift up the hill where I'll be living under canvas, totally off-grid in a retreat (with a modest amount of yoga and meditation) for a month. There's apparently no phone signal up there so I'm preparing to throw my phone out of the window and go as offline as I can for the next few weeks.
It hasn't been easy. I am still so very much better, I rarely feel actually ill. It's the energy levels, exhaustion and relative immobility that I struggle with. I'm now on my own (which is how I'm used to travelling - the best way to meet people). I've been with my family up until recently. While it's been an unforgettable time, we've all been a bit worried by how far back my mobility has slipped. And I'm surrounded by super fit walkers and backpackers, all trekking and kayaking and doing all the kinds of things I normally love.
I feel much, much better today. I arrived after the journey and even had enough energy to walk in and out of a supermarket before resting. But if I am still as physically limited as I have been these last few weeks after my time on the mountainside, I'll be ready to come home early. Travelling and not feeling able to leave where you are to get food, has happened and isn't much fun, or terribly safe. I'm not regretting a thing - I am seeing and doing amazing things, things that a year ago I never would have dreamed of being able to do... But I have to keep getting better rather than spiralling into a relapse. If not the cost of all this is too great.
I love this adventure... I think once I finally let go of the rest of the trip just over a week ago, and stopped worrying about how I was going to do this, I felt much more at peace. Only taking things a month at a time now. That seems to be the way life has taught me: emotionally and practically prepare for the worst-case scenario as best you can. Throw open the possibility of the best possible outcome too (I'm finding hope takes just as much courage to navigate as fear). Throw them both to the wind. Then do your best.
I have been a bit too tired to blog everything, but to balance out the risk of my moaning about ME all the time, here are some of the beautiful places and things I've seen, smelt and felt these last 2 weeks.
An ME/CFS Thriver