I found out late on Christmas Eve that my Mallorca contract is being terminated. I know it has nothing to do with my teaching, though it was a shock and a badly handled ending. And wierd to have a project terminated when you feel you've only just got going. So... I have no idea what comes next but I am OK with the uncertainty. Funny how I recently posted that I could loose all this and still be OK. And I'm getting to find out that so far that is, properly true. Goodbye creative job pulling something new out of the bag every day. Goodbye mission. Goodbye excellent salary for a few hours work a day. Goodbye flat. Goodbye driving to work through the sunshine, mountains and silver glimmers of the sea. Goodbye swimming pool in the garden five time the size of my London flat. Christmas was spent in bed with ME symptoms back to September levels again. All those months of work...to be back to this. When it's bad it feels dark and chaotic and out of my control. Could hardly walk yesterday but now I seem to have pulled something together. I'm better again and have just done a couple of kilometres.
Perhaps the mountain, getting so very much better and finding a creative way of paying for my treatment was what that chapter was all about. I thought I was about to live in Spain again for good. Itinerant Jess finally lands and 'settles' on her beloved island in the sun. I've lost count of the moves between the two countries I've made so far. This story is going to be more complicated and interesting than I thought, and part of me kind of likes it. All I do know is Mallorca is always going to play a huge role in my life.
I never took that amazing opportunity or lifestyle for granted. Jobs like that exist! I spent hours by myself in my own semi-retreat, unable to go out normally for much of the time. But a few weeks ago, post mountain, I started getting this nagging feeling that something was missing. I know it all starts with you and your relationship to yourself, but it's back to that need for deeper levels of human connection again. I was going to start it as a Mallorcan project (it's not that I don't have dear friends there) but I'm clearly meant to be UK based again for now. Friends and family are the medicine I need.
There is no doubt my body is regenerating. I can feel it all quitely below the surface. And the discoveries I've made recently, which are still too fresh to blog about are far more important than anything. More important than what happened on the mountain. And definitely more important than living in Europe's Beverly Hills and my ensuite marble bathroom (though, yes, I will miss it and plan to build one of my own one day!).
Current plan is to hunker down in the UK darkness and hang out with the people I love. Come and find me.
An ME/CFS Thriver